Teeth on his dyick (X); Teeth on his nuts (✓)

Zow... There is a trick that I discovered way back when I was a super summer, unmarried slut, and I would use blowjobs to make men fall in love with me because, although I was pretty, I had extremely low self-worth.

I shall call it "Teeth Grazing."

I don't know if your man will respond the same way, but it's worth a try, bitch. Just fucking try it; if it doesn't work, then I have failed you as a mother. No. If it doesn't work, then you would have looked ridiculous for nothing. I'm kidding. If it doesn't work, then that would mean it's not for all types of balls. This is research, so help add to the evidence.

Zow... this is what you do... and what you need to do.

First, when you're in the middle of giving a blowjob, get his balls and his dyick really wet with your saliva or your chosen flavored lubricant. Whatever's available, but saliva works just fine.

Second, your man has to be cold. That means... He should be a Virgo, a Capricorn, or an Aquarius. No. I'm kidding. He should be cold in temperature, but don't kill him and put him in the deep freezer, betch; you won't get his life insurance that way. I mean, the room has to be cold in that his balls are shriveled up and retracted. You know that thing balls do when they tighten up and they shrink when you blow air at them? Yes. That's how they should be. It's not gonna work when it's summer, the heater is on, and their balls are melted into their crotch, where you can actually see their testicles moving around inside in slow motion like scarab beetles from The Mummy. Stop. I'm laughing just trying to imagine it because they be looking like scarab beetles under the flesh when they're moving around.

Third, now that they're wrinkled up, you open your mouth wide, much like you would when trying to get a bite out of a crispy Gala apple. But don't take a bite, bitch! This is not The Walking Dead. Graze your top teeth and lower teeth around his shriveled-up balls like you're scraping his balls with your teeth but very fucking light. Like your teeth are barely touching the skin of his balls, but they're touching them, you know what I mean? This should look like you're about to take his entire balls out with your mouth, like you're about to put the entire thing in your mouth, but you're only teasing. I know it sounds ridiculous, and it also looks ridiculous, but bitch, when I do this to my man during a blowjob, his face turns into a Rubik's cube—all jumbled up and shit.

Last, move your wide-open mouth and teeth, very lightly, I mean, I cannot stress this enough, very lightly—from left to right and then around the circumference of his balls. If you have an elongated tongue and it's dexterous, you can even try and trace the tip of your tongue around his balls alongside your teeth. Zow... it should look like you're licking your tongue around the circumference of an apple, but you're also trying to take a bite out of it in a circular motion or a left and right motion. I know. You're trying to do it. It looks fucking ridiculous, bitch, you look like you're in a zombie apocalypse.

Bonus bit, while you're doing this and you're down there, give him a handjob. Stroke on his cack while you're grazing your teeth and tongue around his wet, wrinkly balls at the same time. Get crazy, bitch. Just get fucking wild. He won't fucking know what to do with his face. He'd look possessed, and you're the exorcist trying to suck the demon out of his balls.

Okay... zow... let's narrow it down:

• Cold, shriveled-up balls.

• His balls have to be wet, and I mean dripping wet. Get in there. Make it all wet. It won't work if it's dry, bitch.

• Graze your teeth left and right around the edge of his cold, wrinkly balls. Your upper teeth on the top of his balls, and your lower teeth on the bottom of his balls.

• Move your tongue around too, and go clockwise and then counterclockwise with your teeth and tongue at the same time.

• Stroke his cack while you're doing all this.

Bitch.... if you do this... you can ask him anything after the blowjob and he'll give it to you. Even if he's broke, he'll try to make it happen. He will steal, just to get you what you want. I'm kidding. If he does ask, "What are you doing?" just say, "I read about it online, and I wanted to try it on you." This will tell him, "Aww... she's such a slut." No. I'm kidding. This will let him know that you're a real solid woman for trying to find ways to make blowjobs even more pleasurable for him. Not many would be willing to go to extreme lengths just to give more pleasure to a man.

If he didn't find it pleasurable, then maybe ask him if his ball skin is made out of cowhide. I'm kidding. If he didn't find it pleasurable, it's still a win-win because you showed him you're thinking about ways and searching for ways to give him pleasure, and honestly, how many women these days are proactive in trying to find ways to make it more pleasurable and exciting for our men during sex? Very few, right? He'll definitely appreciate that, and you'll probably be the first to do this trick on him because nobody would fucking think to do this, only the hypersluts like us who would suck anything phallic. If he does find it pleasurable, then great! This will only strengthen my research so many other women will be motivated to try it as well, and then it would be another trick up our sleeves.

Just try it, bitch... Then come back to if it works or doesn't. Just do it for your man. If he's genuinely good to you, always tells you you're pretty, sucks on your clitz, and pays for your shit, get fucking crazy on his dyick and ballz, because we only have one life, bitch. We're running out of time as we speak. Tick tock, suck his cack, sit on face, get his money, and love him like his testicles taste like popsicles.

Love, Nikkifikfik