Does sex change as you get older?

It does. It becomes nonexistent. Char. Not char.

I’m 33 now, with 4 liabilites. I mean married, with 3 kids. I went from being able to have sex 19 times a day when I was 21, to being able to have sex 19 times a year now that I’m 33. That’s 11 years.

I don’t know what happened in a span of 12 years. I blinked and my vagina’s gone. She's dead, she’s colorless, she’s soulless, and she’s lifeless. In Mariah Carey’s words, “I don’t know her.” If you can think of another adjective that ends with “less” that’s how you can describe my vagina.

My vagina went from Juicy Fruit juicy, to Doublemint dry. “But Doublemint is a gum, right? It’s not dry.” You might say. It is, it gets fucking dry when you’ve been chewing it for a while, and it gets overchewed, just like my overused vagina.

I don't know what happened. Is it the age? Is it because of giving birth to three kids? Is it because of health issues? Is it because of stress? Is it because I’ve been breastfeeding for 7 consecutive years? I don’t fucking know. I woke up and I just wasn't as sexual as I was years ago. Mrs. Vajeen left the building and abandoned me.

But why? It's so baffling to me because I've been almost hypersexual all my life and then all of a sudden I'm not? What is it? Who fucking cursed me?

Am I not attracted to my husband anymore? I don't think so. I still find him handsome and still get butterflies when I see him donning a suit or a simple long-sleeved shit, especially when the cuffs are folded up to his elbows. It's giving Dzaddy. He's still hot to me, especially when he pays for the kids' tuition early and takes out the trash without me having to tell him. So, no, it's not that.

Is it because he’s broke and doesn’t have any money? Yes, that's it. I’m kidding. Don’t be sensitive. But whoever included the line “for richer of for poorer” in the traditional marriage vows should be lobotomized.

Wait... who did invent the tradition marriage vows? Lemme check… Thomas Cranmer. Intresting. It’s not spelled right, but that’s how I say it. Says here that Thomas Cranmer originally wrote the traditional weddings vows in the Book of Common Prayer during King Henry VIII’s reign and was responsible for the marriage annulment of King Henry and Catherine of Aragon so that King Henry can marry Anne Boleyn the slut. Char.

Catherine of Aragon to the left. Anne Boleyn to the right.

How fucking ironic. The man who wrote the traditional wedding vow, was responsible for their annulment, which changed the course of England’s history forever? Meh, I don’t blame Eric Bana, Natalie Portman was fucken gorg in that movie. Look at that face card mem… But in reality, Anne Boleyn didn’t look like Natalie Portman, malandi lang talaga si bakla, and she wanted power. Watch "The Other Boleyn Girl" so you know what I’m talking about. It’s a classic.

I’m swerving off course here. Where was I? Oh, yeah. I really don’t know why I’m almost becoming asexual.

Could it be because I’m exhausted from having 3 kids and having to fend for everybody 24/7?

It could also be because of having three kids that my estrogen levels have been completely fucked? But my estrogen levels shouldn’t be dropping until I’m, at least, 50… so what is it?

I keep thinking it's because of giving birth to three kids, but I know of couples who are childless, and they're also not having as much sex.

When I asked why they’re not having sex, they just shrugged and said, “Busy with work” and “We’re just too tired by the end of the workday.” "It's not a priority right now." When I heard that, I stopped being friends with them. Char.

I can’t speak for unmarried couples, childless couples, and single people my age, but I need to know if this is this normal for people who are married and have kids? Are other women with kids also experiencing this? Have they also become asexual? Is it just a phase? Will my vajeen ever come back to me? Where the fuck is she? Where is she?

I met my husband when I was 22. He was 23. His stamina and agility aren’t the same. He went from being able to literally go all day, to “one and done.” He knows it. I know it. We both know it. It’s still fine. We don’t love each other any less. I’m kidding. I fucking hate him for it because what else is he good for now? Useless! Char.

I also fucking hate that he literally just ejaculated and he gets a child nine months later without effort then asks you something stupid like “I can cum inside until you don’t get your period, right?”

But how come it has drastically changed for me, but not for my husband? He’s exhausted all the time too but he still has the energy to think about sex by the end of the day, whereas I can’t. His sex drive hasn’t change, he has been consistently horny throughout our 12 years, but his stamina did, and his longevity shortened, as well my patience for him.

Am I okay that this is happening to me? Of all people? I’m fine with it… if it’s temporary. I'm determined to find out why though. I certainly don’t plan it to be permanent because I know myself. Some couples build their intimacy through spiritual connection, some couples build their intimacy by being physically active, engaging in sports or recreational activities, some couples build intimacy through deep conversations, or by pursuing further education together. I need sexual intimacy to remain attracted to a person… and to be constantly fed and told I’m pretty while I slowly gain 40 lbs. If that intimacy bond dissipates between us, I get bored and start to question why the fuck wasn’t I born in Jersey Island where I could have plotted to be Henry Cavill’s concubine?  I’m kidding. No the fuck I’m not.

So, to kinda address the issue and put some light to it, I brought it up to my husband so we can figure it out… I said… “Do you feel like our sex life changed for the bad?”

He said “We don’t have as much sex anymore. I wish we had more sex. But I think it's normal. We have three kids now."

“I’m sorry. Are you sad?” I asked.

“No… I understand. Because you’re always tired from the kids and from your job. But my attraction to you hasn’t changed. Maybe when they’re much older, you’d have more time for me, and we can have more sex.”

Sweet right? Of course he said that. I had a gun to his head to say the right words.

So what am I saying here? Don't get married, don't have kids, so your vagina will stay Mentos Fresh. Char. I'm kidding. I'm saying... it's okay. I think it's okay to be sexless, as long as it's temporary and you're working to address the issue and not simply forgetting about it or sweeping it under the rug, hoping your husband will also sweep it under the rug with you. It's always best to communicate your thoughts and your feelings so you can address the problem together.

Sex away! But be on birth control and wear condoms, because genital warts are ugly, HIV is forever, and babies are fucking expensive. PEERYUHD.